On the long-term side effects of crystal meth
So I’ve got this stalker, right? His name is David, and he’s a diminuitive homosexual college friend of my father’s, in his 50’s. When I was living in Mexico, he moved down to get away from the rat race, and several years later, took up smoking meth. A year or so after that, he started hallucinating birds talking to him, etc. I am a central character in all of this. It’s great.
Anyway, my parents started receiving magazine subscriptions a couple months ago, and he’s tried to get together with me so I take the chip out of his head and whatnot. Whatever. What follows is truly a rare gem–a coherent dissertation by someone who’s addled their brains with drugs. This guy was a simpering cock before all this happened, anyway.
Last names and email addresses have been redacted. Go make yourself some hot fucking cocoa, and enjoy. First, the email:
Dear all
I am sending an attachment with this message that describes the things that have been happening to me since July 10, 2007. I know that some of the things you will read in the document will be difficult to believe, but I swear that everything I’ve written is to the best of my knowledge true. The other people who I speak of in this (and I’m sending this to some of you) know these things to be true as well. I have tried to bring this situation to a resolution, but nothing ever improves. In fact, the pain and torture that I have dealt with only seem to become more and more malicious every day. I hope someone will believe me, will understand that I am not imagining these things, and will understand that I am not now nor have I ever been addicted to any drug of any kind except, perhaps, nicotine.
The document is in the form of a letter to my friend Cindy [redacted], but I want as many people as possible to know my situation. I am asking those of you who know this is true to come forward and help me bring this to an end. The implications of this for other people are staggering. Those of you who know me but haven’t been involved with this, I as for you help too. I cannot do this alone. And I am not crazy. I’m just
David
And the attachment, “I want to let you know.doc”. By the way, I’m Nathan:
Book Mark it-> del.icio.us | Reddit | Digg | Facebook | Technorati | StumbleUponDear Cindy
I want to let you know some of the details of what’s been happening to me because of this chip in my head. I know this is all very hard to believe, but I want to tell people because when the truth (and the chip) comes out, someone will know as far as I can tell the facts of what has been going on. It is as difficult for me to believe as it is for anyone else (except, of course, the others involved in this), but there are a lot of people besides those in Mexico who have spent a lot of time and money to keep this situation unknown to anyone but themselves.Nathan [redacted] and his friends(?) – including – believe it or not – your old friends from Eckerd College Martha (Marty), Bruce [redacted], Bruce [redacted], Pat [redacted] and Peter [redacted] (Mr. Military History Major) – have now had over 10 months to torture me and to use me as a guinea pig so they can learn how to manipulate this chip so as to cause my body and mind to react in different ways. I’ve actually “spoken” to each of these former college acquaintances of both of ours directly, and they identified themselves as such. (I write “spoken” with quotation marks because I never actually say anything out loud; everything I “say” to them is actually me thinking.)
I don‘t know exactly how it works myself, but by sending these electronic impulses to my brain via this chip, they are able to make me feel various sensations in my body, cause my eyes to water and distort my vision. They seem to take particular delight in making my asshole twitch and my penis to feel impulses – without an erection, although there are reactions in other body areas as well. It’s not exactly pain, though. (I once read that pain is just a body location you are especially aware of. And that’s what this is.) Sometimes, I feel it in my arms, my legs, and they can manipulate my heartbeat as well. (They call it giving me a “heart attack”.)
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Electronic Tracking Devices Being Implemented in Dallas Schools
Slashdot is running an article on how the Dallas school system has recently implemented electronic monitoring to curb truancy. I understand that this is a result of No Child Left Behind: the schools need to maintain graduation statistics, or else lose funding. However, this seems very very wrong.
As a kid, I never was very good at dealing with stupid adults who had no interest in me, but nonetheless were intent on controlling me. I’ve always been rebellious, and I would wager that these truants are as well. It seems like this is at best an extremely incomplete solution that doesn’t address the issue. I know that I would figure some way out to act however the hell I wanted to, unless I was given some real incentive, or my needs were being addressed.
It just seems like more and more, the strictures of adulthood are being forced upon younger and younger kids. I declared myself captain of starship Nathan at age 14, because my parents kind of dropped out of my life for a while, and I can imagine how rough it must be for kids whose parents have never been involved and who’ve always had this stodgy bureaucracy leaning on them.
Bleah. Original text at NYTimes.com.
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Top 3 reasons I hate my car
I drive a 1991 Toyota Camry, and it’s treated me relatively well. However, I purchased it from shysters on the cheap, and it’s caused me lots of grief as a result. I ended up having to get like $1500 worth of work done on it, on top of the $500 I paid for it. So I’ve learned a lesson from this: don’t be stupid.
The list!
3. It is not highway-worthy.
While I’m generally not on the highway, this bothers me. What if I have to run from police? I’ll tell you what: I will die. It’s very squirrelly at highway speeds, and it has a tendency to wobble at certain speeds. I’m sure this is not safe. Also, the freaking doors don’t seal very well, and the windows won’t stay rolled all the way up, so above 50mph, I get godawful noise. I don’t even have a radio to drown it out. Which brings me to the next list item:
2. I don’t have a radio.
I don’t just not have a radio. I have a radio hole with wires coming out of it. Furthermore, I have no electricity going to those wires. Nor the cigarette lighter. So I can’t even smoke. Not that I’d want to, but I love the appearance of consumerist freedom, in case the Department of Homeland Security starts tailing me, I don’t want to appear like I’m going to KILL THE PRESIDENT!!!!~~!!. I can’t charge my phone, either. Also, I have some fantastic news:
1. When I replaced the fuse to the radio, my tail lights died.
Yes. This is great, because I hate having tail lights. I hate not having melvins drive by me at night shouting “Turn your lights on!” even though I clearly have headlamps, you stupid fucking assholes. Two in a row. I hate not being afforded to opportunity for a snappy comeback. Anyway, these fucking shysters who sold me this car left that fuse fused because of this goddamn problem, I’m sure of it. Which just pisses me off. They invented stories about how they drove the car, when really they are serial unlicensed car dealers.
So maybe I don’t hate my car as much as I hate people who sell cars. And myself for being so goddamn gullible. I am physically unable to select an awesome car. Except when I bought that Subaru Justy. That was a sexy-ass 3-cylinder fuck-machine. Until it too broke.
[EDIT]
By the way, I didn’t realize that shyster with Jew-bashing implications dating back to the 16th century. I’d never heard it used that way, though I recognize it continues to be used that way to this day.
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Sustainable Homeless Shelter
My friend and roommate for two years Miguel just wrote an interesting blog post on a potential solution to the ongoing problem of homelessness here in St Petersburg, FL (Sunshine City!). It’s pretty thoughtful, and worth a read.
Let me know what you think. Miguel’s a very thoughtful hardcore punk-listening Puerto Korecan autodidactic Sufi Muslim. He’s a very interesting and enlightening individual. Check him out.
Happy Mother’s Day.
[edit]
My Miguel and Leah 2006 Flickr photo album
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Stiff Animal Fantasy
I just found Stiff Animal Fantasy, the official and awesome Modest Mouse video for World At Large, the first song off Good News For People Who Love Bad News:
Which I found at Timetube, which is equally awesome. Tell me Timetube doesn’t rock your tiny face. Tell me.
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Why I will never work for Sears
I always thought Sears was cool. They have nice tools. They sell Dickies
First off, their application software is bullshit. It is one of the least pleasant to use web interfaces I’ve used in a long time. Imagine if you will filling out all the forms on a page and pressing Enter, only to have it reload the page without all your information. This is not a metaphor. It actually happened to me. Which brings me to tip #1:
- Never press Enter
OK. Then, I was a self-employed computer technician for several years, during which time I did some work for Gulf Coast Jewish Family Services as an on-call interpreter. Their software made me explain my period of unemployment after I stopped working for GCJFS. Which brings me to point #2:
- If you ever have two jobs, terminate them both at the same time.
So I set an appointment for the following Tuesday at 12 noon. HR called me and changed the appointment to 6pm. I thought, ok, no big deal. I’m on top of my game right about mid-day, but whatever. Tip #3:
- Fist-fight me in the late afternoon or early evening.
I arrived on-time for once, and the HR office was locked. About 5 minutes later, I was let inside. Another 10 minutes later, I was being interviewed, and 10 minutes after that, I was informed that they thought I was applying for cashier, not sales, could I please come back Friday at 6pm? Because the lady that’s supposed to interview me for sales is busy, cranky and rude today.
Friday rolls around, and I get to wait another 20 minutes for cranky lady to show up and interview me. Sears doesn’t tolerate tardiness. Another 15 or so are lost while toad-like people mill about trying to find my paperwork. Who is in charge of hiring? Nobody, apparently. I make it through the interview with Jabba (not referenced for obesity, just the general shape of her head, neck and shoulders), and I get to do another interview with the store owner. The store owner was awesome. We shot the shit. It was glorious. I thought, man this is going to be great after all. TIp #4:
- No, it isn’t.
I filled out more paperwork, and they gave me my drug test form that I needed to take to the clinic on Monday, and I walked out of the door minutes before 9:30pm. Monday occurs, and I drink lots of water, because who knows what tiny little monkeys I have floating in my plasma? I spent $20 on a purifying beverage, for I am he who knoweth. I pee the right amount of times, and all that. Fast-forward to the clinic receptionist. She informs me that the form that Sears gave me needs to be filled out by Sears. So I must drive my form to Sears, find Jabba, have her fill out my form, reschedule my piss-based privacy invasion, buy another expensive beverage, go back the following day, and then I can start making sweet, sweet $6/hour, plus commission after I finish training, which apparently takes 2 weeks. Who takes 60 hours to learn how to sell electronics? Tip #5:
- Not me, motherfuckers. I knew that shit before I was born.
So I have not gone back, nor will I. Except for their socks. I love their socks. But don’t work for Sears. I mean, Tip #6:
- Don’t work for Sears.
If it’s that hard to get hired, imagine how hard it must be to get paid.
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Technorati
I’m working on marketing my blog, and I’m signing up for Technorati and claiming my blog. If any (or should I say either) of you people reading my blog have any ideas, feel free to comment.
Commenting feels good! Feeds the soul!
OMFG! My Technorati Profile!
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Silent Trio
So my band, Silent Trio, after about a year of being together, playing with the wrong people, and having nervous breakdowns (that was me, btw), now almost has a set together. We’ve got the material, and we just need to polish up a couple lyrics and hammer out a few formats, and we’ll be ready to go.
The website is in the works, and I’ll keep you updated. We’re awesome.
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Review: Radiohead at Cruzan Amphitheater in West Palm Beach, FL (2008-05-05)
Well, it was awesome. If you’re wondering if it’s worth it to pay $50 to see Radiohead, it is. If you’re wondering if it’s worth it to pay $75 for seats, it is. If you’re wondering if it’s worth it to get up at 4am to drive 4 hours to go see Radiohead, dammit, it is.
Liars opened for Radiohead, and my assessment of them is two-fold:
- Doors were at 7:30 at this huge venue, and they started playing at 8, which at least conceptually puts them in the realm of lobby muzak. I myself (eagle-eyed genius that I am) thought they were roadies setting up gear and the music was pre-recorded. About halfway through their set, I noticed that the roadies were moving particularly rhythmically, and finally realized they were a band. So I recognize that they had a shit job to do, entertaining an indifferent audience with no big screen or big light show, and they pulled it off admirably.
- I didn’t really like them. They had one cool song that nearly compelled me to purchase their album, but then I heard the rest of their songs. Their tiny little bodies were pretty entertaining, though. And they remind me of a cross between Deerhoof and At The Drive-In, if they were dressed by that guy from AFI’s mom.
Anyway, Radiohead! My peeps and I sat in Section 08, Row W, Seat 6, which was stage right. They played a good sampling of stuff from throughout their career, with a focus on their new material. Nude came out beautifully, and I got a video of it. Most of their older material was the straight-up rock fare, like Just, though they played a good sampling from OK Computer, from Exit Music to Airbag. They didn’t neglect their techno repertoire, with Morning Bells, Everything In Its Right Place, Idioteque, and the Gloaming, which was an unexpectedly good live song. I’ve never liked Pyramid Song as much as I did last night. Maybe I need louder speakers and a light show for my sound system.
Speaking of their light show, it’s among the best I’ve seen. Certainly in the same league as the Flaming Lips’, if not better. They’ve got these long, transparent tubes that look like chimes hanging down over the band, and they light up different colors and have images projected onto them. They also have cameras all over the stage that take video that’s projected up on the back wall behind the chimes. Fucking incredible. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a light show this extravagant that wasn’t cheesy as all hell. My drummer, Robert, says that Johnny designed the chimes like 10 years ago. They’re worth seeing even if you’re not a big fan of the Radiohead.
My brother was telling me that this was their first show stateside this tour, and they did seem a bit off the first couple of songs. Thom tried to end one of the songs a couple bars early, but everything worked out. And I can’t remember what the hell song it was that they played the ending to twice, but that was interesting.
And goddammit, they rocked. Radiohead, I award thee 5 out of 5 dead monkeys. I’m not buying a $40 t-shirt, though.
Here’s my Flickr photo set from the event.
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Radiohead
I’m in West Palm Beach to see Radiohead tonight on their tour for their excellent In Rainbows
Anyway, we drive back to St Pete tomorrow, and go to see them again in Tampa the following night. So this is a good week. It helps that school is out. I’ll let you know how the show goes. Whee!
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