Top 3 reasons I hate my car
I drive a 1991 Toyota Camry, and it’s treated me relatively well. However, I purchased it from shysters on the cheap, and it’s caused me lots of grief as a result. I ended up having to get like $1500 worth of work done on it, on top of the $500 I paid for it. So I’ve learned a lesson from this: don’t be stupid.
The list!
3. It is not highway-worthy.
While I’m generally not on the highway, this bothers me. What if I have to run from police? I’ll tell you what: I will die. It’s very squirrelly at highway speeds, and it has a tendency to wobble at certain speeds. I’m sure this is not safe. Also, the freaking doors don’t seal very well, and the windows won’t stay rolled all the way up, so above 50mph, I get godawful noise. I don’t even have a radio to drown it out. Which brings me to the next list item:
2. I don’t have a radio.
I don’t just not have a radio. I have a radio hole with wires coming out of it. Furthermore, I have no electricity going to those wires. Nor the cigarette lighter. So I can’t even smoke. Not that I’d want to, but I love the appearance of consumerist freedom, in case the Department of Homeland Security starts tailing me, I don’t want to appear like I’m going to KILL THE PRESIDENT!!!!~~!!. I can’t charge my phone, either. Also, I have some fantastic news:
1. When I replaced the fuse to the radio, my tail lights died.
Yes. This is great, because I hate having tail lights. I hate not having melvins drive by me at night shouting “Turn your lights on!” even though I clearly have headlamps, you stupid fucking assholes. Two in a row. I hate not being afforded to opportunity for a snappy comeback. Anyway, these fucking shysters who sold me this car left that fuse fused because of this goddamn problem, I’m sure of it. Which just pisses me off. They invented stories about how they drove the car, when really they are serial unlicensed car dealers.
So maybe I don’t hate my car as much as I hate people who sell cars. And myself for being so goddamn gullible. I am physically unable to select an awesome car. Except when I bought that Subaru Justy. That was a sexy-ass 3-cylinder fuck-machine. Until it too broke.
[EDIT]
By the way, I didn’t realize that shyster with Jew-bashing implications dating back to the 16th century. I’d never heard it used that way, though I recognize it continues to be used that way to this day.
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